An Odd Confidence Booster

Perhaps you've heard of these common confidence-boosters: push yourself out of your comfort zone; do something that scares you; start a conversation with a stranger; etc. But I have one confidence booster that I've used for years that may sound odd at first, but it's something that always makes me feel accomplished and independent, especially as a woman: assembling furniture.

Whenever I've put together even a simple bookshelf from Ikea, or built a wall from scratch using mortar, wood, and an electric drill—a surge of confidence ran through my body upon completion. "Fuck yeah I put this together," I'd think. "I am woman! Hear me roar!" Anytime there's furniture that needs to be set up, I eagerly take the opportunity to set up the screws, nails, and miscellaneous parts that need handling. Getting my hands on odds and ends and creating something useful out of them makes me feel empowered—like I can make it on my own in the world, somehow.

My roommate/best friend Kassi and I assembled this little Ikea vanity together. I knew at this moment that I could be an adult.

This is my own little confidence booster, but you could have your own ways of making yourself feel heroic. Maybe it's driving long distances by yourself; preparing a dinner for your whole family; taking your car to the mechanic on your own; whatever it is that makes you feel better about yourself and your abilities.

I highly encourage you to find that one thing (or many things) that help strengthen your confidence. It may be difficult at first if you don't feel all that confident to begin with (I've been there), but take baby steps to find what those things are. If building something sounds like one of those things, try building something small like a birdhouse or an end table from Ikea—anything to get you feeling useful and capable. Maybe talking on the phone could start you off to getting comfortable talking to new people—or simply getting used to talking to people on the phone, which used to make me incredibly nervous.

If it helps, write a list of things you'd like to be more confident with. Perhaps it's speaking to strangers at events, parties, or other get-togethers. Write down small first-steps you could take to help alleviate this fear, like striking up a conversation with someone in an elevator or in line by offering them a compliment. "I really like your bag, may I ask what brand it is?" is very simple, but it's something to get you started. People like to talk about themselves, so giving someone the opportunity to talk about their bag, where they bought it, how it goes with their outfits, etc., is a surefire way to start a conversation. Then you could move your way up to more difficult situations, like joining a meet-up group where you don't know anyone. The more you practice, the greater your confidence will become.

Remember this while you're on your confidence journey: confidence is a skill, and to develop a skill, it takes practice. You don't have to be perfect when you start (or ever), but starting and actively working on it is the key. Remember that you are worth feeling good about yourself and your abilities, and lean on those closest to you for support. Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love, and push out the negative self-talk. Build your confidence little by little and watch yourself blossom into a badass.