Do Not Live in a Fantasy: How to Embrace Your Reality to Move Forward

When I spent a fabulous, whirlwind year in London as a grad student—I was truly experiencing some of the happiest feelings of my life. I was living in a beautiful, history-filled city with my best friend Kassi in a flat just 2 minutes away from Kings Cross station; I was a student at one of the top universities in the world; I was meeting people daily from Albania to Switzerland, Kenya to Canada, and beyond. It was an unreal year, and I find myself fawning after that dream year constantly. I miss the spontaneity of going out to my favorite pub with Kassi and getting all dolled up; going to the Churchill War Rooms for fun if I wanted; studying by the Thames in a cozy cafe trying not to buy a third chocolate caramel shortbread crack treat; and dating a wide variety of (questionable) men. But I also have to remember, that that time served its purpose, and I can't keep chasing after it; there is nothing worse for your psyche than chasing after a reality that doesn't—or no longer—exists.

After my grad program ended, I entered a new cycle of depression. Kassi had flown back to the U.S. and I was left waiting to start my au pair job in Paris as I cycled through AirBnBs waiting for my French visa—all while crying daily at how the year had gone by too fast. I was never going to see most of my classmates again; I wasn't going to have the weekly outings with Kassi or just walk to a pub with her and absorb the greatness of English culture; I wasn't going to be able to stroll down the Thames with time to kill until my movie of choice began at the BFI Cinema—it was all ending. I couldn't cope, and one night I actually became physically sick thinking about it. I was overwhelmed with the ending of this amazing chapter, and instead of thanking the universe for giving me this year, I was cursing its ending and feeling sorry for myself that my "one true year of happiness" ended.

This was my own downfall; I was setting myself up for unhappiness by believing that only living in London would make me happy. "If only I could be back in my little flat with Kassi watching old French movies and cooking potato soup while the rain falls outside", "If only we were dancing to A$AP Rocky while getting ready for a night out and pre-gaming with champagne", "If only I were back in a country where suddenly men desired me and I felt pretty"—it was a mindset that set me up for failure. I was putting so much weight on the importance of London and my happiness that I couldn't allow myself to just feel happiness on my own terms; I was blocking myself off from all the opportunities to feel joy and create my own happiness, just because my mind created the belief that London was the only place I could be happy.

It took almost two years to get over this way of thinking. TWO YEARS. I'm still coming to the end of it and sorting through my emotions, and I'm thankful that it is at its end. I've been rewiring my thought patterns thanks to therapy, books, podcasts, and motivational YouTube channels that help me see that happiness is possible at all stages of life. I don't have to be in London to be happy; I can find happiness living in Orange County, and I have. I've enrolled in acting classes where I've met incredible people and found a new passion; I've started this blog where I help others through their personal journeys by relaying my own; I take my little sisters to the park as much as I can to watch them play and just enjoy being kids—I'm finding things every day that show me London isn't the only path to happiness for me. Happiness is everywhere, in all forms, in plain sight. It's not only in London Bridge; Green Park; and Waxy O'Connors Pub off of Piccadilly Circus—it's here, in the present, you just have to be conscious of it.

Like I said, I'm at the tail end of these feelings and am coming out of it with a greater sense of gratitude for that wonderful year abroad. I will always look back on that year as one of the best in my life; and that's the key phrase, "one of." There are countless amazing years ahead of me, ahead of all of us, just waiting to be discovered if we only give ourselves the chance to experience them. We need to keep our hearts and minds open to new experiences that the universe is sending our way, and to not look at the past as our defining moments. The past is certainly a helpful teacher, but it shouldn't keep us locked into a state of being that prohibits us from living our lives how we want. I want to experience that level of happiness in my daily life, just by being appreciative of my surroundings and the people in it. I want to have an amazing career that gives me financial freedom and independence. I want to have a serious relationship that makes me feel safe and at home. This is all possible for me, and whatever you want in your life is possible once you set yourself in reality.

I know we are all meant to live our dream lives, but we can't attain those dream lives by living in the past, in lies we tell ourselves, and by limiting our potential with irrational beliefs. Our minds are powerful, and we need to use them wisely so we're not only mentally and emotionally healthy, but so we can craft our future with an appreciation for the present. We are here, right now, and we have the power to be grounded in our present reality with gratitude and anticipation for our futures. I can't tell you how excited I am for a lot of the people I've met this year through acting classes; they're already crafting their futures and putting themselves in alignment with their dreams and ambitions, and I know they will succeed. They put in the work; they value themselves and their abilities; and most of all, they are grounded in the present. They know what they want, and they show up every day for themselves to make sure that they get where they want to go. We all have that power; we all have that destiny.

Well, after a quite sappy-sounding post, I hope that you take this message and apply it to your own reality. Wherever you are in your life, whatever your circumstances, believe in yourself—really believe in yourself. You have an incredible potential to craft your own reality, and you need to do so by being present in what it is now. If you're in a job you hate, work on finding a new one. If your finances are not where you want them to be, craft a plan for how you're going to earn more money. If you're struggling with family issues, talk to a therapist or a close friend and plan how to approach the situation.

We hold all the power we need to make our own happiness; let's start today.