Everything's Falling Together, Not Apart

There are moments that happen where I think, "REALLY? Just when I thought things were changing for the better, this happens? Can I ever catch a break?" Then I may cry, express frustration, journal furiously—before I calm down and watch the Mom in Progress series on Buzzfeed for the 800th time to settle any remaining nerves.

I know many of us struggle to deal with situations ranging from minor inconveniences to major disruptions, so I wanted to write a little something to help us remember to add perspective. It can be difficult to remember how lucky we are to have a place to live, health insurance, shoes on our feet, etc., especially when we're knee-deep in family drama, a nightmare co-worker, or a fight with your significant other. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't allow yourself to feel those feelings of frustration and anger, but we can't fester in it unless we want to raise our cortisol levels and generally have shitty days because we can't let go of that anger.

When you find yourself in one of these situations, remind yourself of these three things: "This situation is temporary; it will pass"; "I am in control of my life"; and "My thoughts materialize." It sounds very hippie-dippie, but it's true—and I believe that these three things are crucial in helping us get back on track when things turn sour. Let's look at an example:

I was a senior in high school and was watching a majority of my classmates wearing sweatshirts and t-shirts of the schools they were admitted to. There was Stanford, UPenn, NYU, Columbia—all these amazing schools that, at the time, I never believed I would get into. I knew going straight to a 4-year university post-high school wasn't the best choice for me; I simply wasn't ready for that big life change, and needed to go to community college for at least a year to ease into this transition. But at the time, I felt like such a loser and stupid for not having applied to universities like most of my class did. I remember thinking, "You're too stupid to have applied anyway, what school would ever accept you?" Every day I sat in feelings of self-loathing and repeated mean and untrue things about myself, to myself, until I couldn't stand the reflection staring back at me—all because, in my perspective, everything was falling apart.

Everything felt like this until I actually began community college: I loved it. The campus and class-sizes were small, it was of course close to home, it was WAY less expensive than a 4-year college, and my professors were both kind and knowledgeable. I knew within the first week that this was the right choice; I felt like I was easing into the college experience at my own pace, and still earning class credits to transfer in the future. I made friends, I wrote good essays, and I gained confidence in myself that college was a good choice for me, and I wasn't somehow too intellectually-stunted to sit in a lecture hall. I was good enough.

By the end of my first year at community college, I had earned a 4.0 GPA, was accepted to the one and only dream school I applied to, and was approved for financial aid to go to that school. Everything that had seemed was falling apart, had been falling together the entire time. I look back on that time with gratitude for happening the way it did; I had no idea what was in store for me, and all of the experiences that would grow my confidence beyond recognition. I wasn't some stupid teenager; I was a smart, capable, and mature young woman who knew, deep down, that that was the right choice for her, no matter what everyone else was doing around her. I trusted my gut, and the universe did the rest.

I hope this article inspires you to look at your own experiences with this same lens; what we may view as a negative occurrence could actually be the beginning of something incredibly positive. Maybe you got fired from your job, but that allowed you to find and get hired for a new, incredible job that you never dreamed of; or your significant other dumped you and that allowed you to meet someone more honest, intelligent, and caring later on. You never know where life's experiences will lead you, so don't allow yourself to sink lower and lower into negative thoughts because life isn't going how you planned. Nothing in life goes by your plan.

When your life seems to be crumbling, reassemble those crumbles into a picture of the future you could be creating for yourself.