How to be Creative When You're Depressed: The Power of Connection

I find great joy in being creative; whether it's writing, drawing, taking acting classes, dancing—I love being in alignment with my imagination. It makes me feel whole, happy, and balanced within myself. When I'm not in creative flow, I feel stifled, lethargic, and uninterested in daily life. It's such a 180 that I have to keep myself creating unless I want to feel the repercussions. But when I've dealt with past bouts of depression, tapping into my creativity wasn't even a thought. I was so depleted of energy, motivation, and meaning that I simply re-watched television shows and ate comfort foods until I numbed myself. This in turn made me feel even more depressed because I didn't write a single sentence for weeks on end, let alone sketched a little doodle or left the house. But, with the help of a new friend, I figured out ways to pull myself out of one of these episodes during my time in France.

While I was an au pair in Paris, I grew very depressed due to being so far away from my family in a country with a different language; a host family that didn't seem to like or care about me very much; it was the coldest winter in Paris in decades; I had no friends; I had just ended my relationship; I missed London and being a grad student; it was all a mess. I had little to no interest in being creative. I didn't write, journal, read, draw—nothing. I stayed cooped up inside watching Netflix, crying on the phone to my parents about how much I wanted to come home. "Then come home," they said. "If it's that bad, just quit and come back." I would tell them I couldn't because I made a commitment and wanted to learn French, even if that meant having to go through constant torment at the hands of 3 French boys every day. But despite my conviction to learn this language, my emotional and mental state was greatly suffering.

It wasn't until I finally made a friend that things started to change. There was a new German girl in my French class named Antonia who was really sweet and the best French speaker in the class. She was eager to make friends as well since she told me she found it hard to meet people in Paris. And, luckily for me, she wanted to practice her English with a native speaker—so we had the perfect opportunity to form a friendship. Because I finally had someone to do things with, my motivation began to rise as I thought of fun outings we could have together. We went to the Musée d'Orsay on a snowy day that ended with tea at the cafe across the street; visited the Palace of Versailles once the weather warmed up and had a picnic in the gardens; spent summer nights in my apartment watching movies, cooking, and eating homemade vegan chocolate chip cookies; frequented museums neither of has had visited; and practiced enormous amounts of French. Things were finally starting to look up for a change; I didn't feel confined to my little apartment where I could sink lower into depression.

These visits out and about in Paris with my new friend were lifesaving. Our nights along the Seine drinking beer, wine, and eating melon during our last weeks as au pairs were precious to me, and connected me with the culture of the city. I no longer saw the negative, and instead focused on how many artists, writers, and creatives lived here throughout the centuries—and how lucky I was to be here. Sure, my job still sucked the life out of me, but my newfound friendship inspired me to look at the positives around me. I got to see Delacroix's easel; the dark and eery Paris catacombs; went out to see movies on the Champs-Elysées; walked around gardens and fountains; and felt connected to the life of the city.

Antonia and I on the day we became certified French speakers!

I started journaling more. I got a library card at the American Library in Paris and read Maya Angelou, self-help books, and Joan Didion. I watched movies because they made me happy instead of trying to keep me from crying. I looked up new fun recipe ideas to try and make in my apartment. I made plans for job hunting and PhD applications once I returned home. I was finally inspired and slowly exiting my depression, even though I was still feeling sad at work. Antonia was such a savior, I don't think I can adequately describe it.

For me, getting back to my creativity required human connection and understanding. Antonia was someone who also didn't like her job as an au pair and missed her family; we both desperately wanted to learn French; we loved art and film; and she even taught me some German along the way ("Sheise!"). I was so lonely and deprived of interactions that didn't include me bumbling my way through a sentence in French to a pharmacist; I finally had someone who was going through some of the same things, and it made me feel less alone and more connected. Her friendship lead me back to my love for creating.

Wherever you are, whatever your job is, whatever your circumstances—find people who inspire you. As much as it hurts to get out of bed and out of the house (especially when it's freezing cold and snowing), your depression will weaken the more you do it. No one can fight depression alone. I drove mine out with friendship; my depression didn't stand a chance. Sure, I was still stuck at my horrid job, but at least I now had a friend who could help me forget about my shitty work days and join me by the Seine with cookies and wine.

I know that for me, I am not as creative when I'm shut off from other people. Sure, I need my alone time as an introvert, but I crumble up inside and feel no inspiration when I'm by myself for too long. Now that I'm in acting classes, I get to see friends from class every week and learn from them and their scene work. I can't explain the difference in my creative impulses when I'm connected to other people; it's like a transference of energy. I feed off of other's creativity—not by stealing theirs, but by taking cues and applying them to my own ideas. Alone time is great for sorting out and honing in on these ideas, but to get that spark, I need to keep connections strong. We as humans need to be around other people; we simply can't survive alone.

I hope this post inspired you to focus on your friends and loved ones, knowing that those relationships will always be a mental health booster. We all deserve close friendships and positive relations with those we interact with constantly. I'm a believer in connection as fuel for positivity in however that looks for you; for me, it's to feed my creativity. For you, it could be a way to build confidence; get clarity on situations or thoughts that are bothering you; de-stress and unwind; feel less alone; or laugh over the absurdity of it all. Put down your phone and have a face-to-face conversation with someone; go to a party, go see a movie; grab a drink; make time to actually connect. For me, it was the antidote to my depression, and I will always carry that lesson with me.

Watch the YouTube video for this post here.