My Experience Using Online Therapy

Earlier this year, I was having a rough time. Well, I've been having a rough time since October 2017. I had just finished my master's program, handed in my glorious and brain-crunching master's thesis, and was feeling...lost. I decided to become an au pair in Paris to learn French, seeing as that could majorly help me in applying to a PhD program in French art history. But the longing to be back in London surrounded by the hilarious, smart, and kind students in my program I had come to know was always at the forefront of my mind. I was now in Paris, alone, caring for 3 French boys who tried to make my life hell every day. I had no friends, and often called home crying to my mom saying how miserable I was and that I missed school. From then on I sunk into another episode of depression that lasted until I came home in July 2018.

I thought coming home would be the cure to all my nights crying, hating my job, and feeling totally out of sorts as an American in France. At first, it was. I cuddled and kissed my little sisters whom I missed more than I could bear—and I basked in the effortless trips to the grocery store where I could speak my native tongue. It was all well and good...until it wasn't. I was back in my depressed state, feeling like all that I had worked for in school was leading me nowhere. Every position I applied to either rejected me or never notified me of an outcome, and after spending over $500 on PhD applications, I was rejected by all the programs just a few months later. I felt unlike myself; all the hours spent writing, attending class, and studying seemed like it lead me to a dead end.

Everything was coming to a head, and it felt like a burden to get out of bed every day. I didn't feel like myself; I was barely eating; and my social life was null. I couldn't afford therapy, but I knew I needed it; my past bouts of depression taught me to seek help. Then I heard of an online therapy resource called betterhelp (this post is not sponsored in any way; I truly use this resource and use my own money to pay for the monthly fees). I was excited to see that the fees weren't as high as regular therapy sessions, and the ability to talk to a professional from home seemed preferable to someone who hated leaving her bed. I connected with a therapist at once and set up a Skype session through the website. I cried like a baby during my first session with my new therapist; everything that I had been holding in cascaded out of me in tears, snot, and spittle.

I've been using betterhelp ever since. Even though some sessions felt perhaps unnecessary or drawn-out, I know the accumulation of talking to someone over time has helped my mental state immeasurably. The price point has also been incredible for someone who works part-time and is on a budget. I also get to text my therapist through betterhelp's app as much as I want each week, no extra charge, so I can get some help on minor occurrences that pop up. For example, if I had a fight with my stepdad, I'd message my therapist and vent to her about it. I wouldn't hold back. It felt so good to release my feelings to a professional who was there to listen and offer feedback for how I was feeling.

Me a couple months ago. I was in a really happy mood this day and wanted to capture a moment of it.

For me, online therapy is incredibly useful as someone whose work schedule is constantly in flux. I can easily make changes to my appointment schedule based on my therapist's availability with no extra charge. And again, way more affordable than traditional therapy. My mental state has improved immensely, and even though I still experience some anxiety over my career path and family, I'm feeling more confident that I have a support system here for me. It's a simpler process for me than actually going to a therapist's office and run the risk of being charged for changing an appointment last minute because of work. And the best part is that with this platform, you can choose a Skype-type session, text, or voice call—depending on your preferences and comfort level. It's fantastic, and I couldn't be more pleased with the convenience of this resource.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, more down than usual, or any other troubling mental or emotional unrest, please go talk to a professional. If you can afford to go to a therapist's office, great! If not, I highly recommend betterhelp as someone who's used it for 6 months and seen improvement in her mental health.

Take care of yourself, and remember that your mental well-being is a priority.