I can very easily slip into a negative loop of emotions when it comes to my self-worth. The list could go on and on in my head with irrational beliefs about my abilities and how people view me, and this is where I need to consciously shut those thoughts off and replace them. I can't stress enough the importance of being your own biggest cheerleader instead of your own worst enemy; no one is with you as much as you are, so you need to be careful about how you talk to yourself.
If you're like me, you're still in the growth process of learning to give yourself affirmations. It can feel silly to tell yourself things like "I'm amazingly smart", "I'm beautiful", "I make loads of money"—but it's important to say positive things to yourself. I'm sure you've seen posts all over social media saying something like "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love", and that is the key. Whenever you find yourself slipping into badmouthing your capabilities, looks, relationships, etc., stop and think, "Would I tell this to my mother? My sister? My grandma?"
No. You would affirm them with positivity and a reminder that they are loved. You would tell them that whatever sucky situation they're in right now is only temporary, and that something amazing is lying just ahead of them. The last thing you would do is step in and put them down in every way possible, criticize their appearance, job, and relationship status—then stomp away leaving them to feel empty and unloved. So why would you do that to yourself?
I know I used to have an odd feeling of "comfort" when I used to talk badly about myself; it was familiar, and helped affirm my current life situation. I could tell myself, "The reason you don't have your dream job is because you're stupid and nobody likes you, it's as simple as that." I would tell myself an unconscious lie so I could "relax" in my unsatisfactory reality. And I would do this for a lot of things, like why I didn't have a lot of friends; why I didn't get the grade I wanted on my paper; why I didn't have my own place—and to what end?
By delving into self-improvement, I've learned that one of the best things we can do for ourselves is to simply be kind. Talk to yourself nicely, give yourself grace like you would to your sister or best friend, and remind yourself that you are capable of anything you set your mind to. Care for yourself like you would your child. Tell yourself that you're a human being and you make mistakes; that you can always get back up again after failure. You are the only one standing in your own way if all you do is talk negatively to yourself.
Please be kind to yourself, and be your own biggest supporter.
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