The Class That Changed Everything

I’m ashamed to admit that I hadn’t heard the term “white privilege” until I was 19. I knew from a young age based on observing classmates, that being white was a good thing - even seeing how yard duties treated non-white kids on the playground was shockingly apparent. At the time, this school had mostly Latino students, but there were still plenty of white kids like myself. I could see, even at the age of 8, that kids with brown skin were "always in trouble", while white kids got off the hook more easily.

When I moved at age 9, I was suddenly part of the majority. Nearly everyone was white with blonde hair and blue eyes - it was bizarre, but also, a little comforting being around so many people who actually looked like me. As I went through schooling and advanced to high school, I became more aware of racial stereotypes from non-white students as they joked around saying things like “yeah, well your mom isn’t Asian, so I HAVE to get straight A’s” “you know, we Persians are BALLIN”, and so on. To me, the ignorant little high-schooler I was, I thought “because they’re joking with me and including me, that means it’s ok for me to laugh and go along with it.” This turned out to lead to a very poor decision on my part one Halloween when I was 16 or 17.

A friend of mine and I wanted to go as something creative and funny. I can’t remember which one of us came up with it, but the idea of an “illegal alien” was proposed, complete with green alien antenna from the Halloween store, and Mexican ponchos. To us, we thought it was a funny idea, a good pun - we didn’t think of the ramifications of such a costume, like if a Latino student saw us and would feel hurt thinking of their own family member(s) who risked their lives to cross the border in order to have a better life. To make matters worse, we wanted to look disheveled due to running and climbing over the border walls, through dirt and grime, so we powdered splotches of bronzer on our face to mimic the dirt - and ended up looking like we were committing brown face. Even worse, I posted a photo of us on my private Instagram with the caption going something like, “trying to cross the border...of the galaxy”, thinking how our costumes were so “witty.”

The photo was long ago deleted out of later embarrassment and shame over having made that choice. I could say that I was only 16/17, and was just stupid. I was stupid, but also, we shouldn’t just excuse actions such as these. Instances like insensitive Halloween costumes that insult racial and cultural groups shows how far we still have to go to be more understanding and knowledgeable about said racial and cultural groups, as well as how white privilege functions amongst it all.

When I was 19, I enrolled in an ethnic studies course. It sounded interesting, and it was listed as a required course for undergrads, so I had to take it eventually. My professor was a half-black, half-white man with long dreadlocks that reached down to his bottom. He was friendly, wildly intelligent, and well-spoken about racial issues that plague North America and the world at large. This class truly changed everything for me when it came to understanding my identity; I suddenly understood that I was white. I knew what white people were, obviously, and that I was one - but I didn’t truly connect to my race and what it meant to be part of the racial hierarchy in terms of how much benefit and privilege I experience on a daily basis.

I never have to worry about being stopped by the police while I’m walking around outside, especially in a predominately white neighborhood. I don’t have to worry about being followed around in stores by employees thinking that I’ll try to steal something. My long, blonde hair is viewed as preferable for interviews, work, and general beauty standards - making it easier for me to get hired or viewed as more “put-together.” I learned about red-lined districts and how they were used to keep black people and other ethnic minorities out of white neighborhoods. I learned about the conflict amongst the black community when it came to light vs. dark skin, and the wide world and conversation around black hair. I couldn’t believe how much I didn’t know, and it made me feel even more ashamed about the costume choice I had made only 2-3 years prior.

I don’t want to write this post in order to be forgiven for making an insensitive choice. I write this, again, to advocate for more conversations on race and ethnicity - especially amongst white people. We’re not forced to think about race every day; it’s not part of our survival, how we should act around others, and the ramifications for how someone may treat us just because of the color of our skin or the texture of our hair. I want my story to be one of example for how far we need to go in race relations, and how limited discussions are on race in the white community. I have since learned a great amount since my poor choice, and I’m glad I’m not that ignorant teenager any longer. I have grown out of a restricted white-mindset and into a thought process of inclusivity, diversity, and a greater appreciation for my college education. Had it not been for that ethnic studies class, I don’t know if I would have made as great of progress in my understandings on race. And that really scares me.

I’m certainly not saying I know everything about race; I’m sure there are still prejudices that linger in my subconscious that will make their appearance in the future, and I’ll be equipped to challenge those misconceptions and alter my thinking habits from years of childhood misinformation and inadequate representation of ethnic minorities in the media. I want all of us, especially us white people, to really challenge our perceptions on race and our white privilege. It can be hard to face, and be uncomfortable - but our discomfort does not matter in this discussion. Our discomfort is the cause of much of the racial strife that is still present not only in North America, but around the globe. We are afraid to face the fact that we are the cause for so much pain and suffering, purely based on skin color and prejudice. The more we confront and talk about these issues, the more we can make real change in communities nationwide that will help us all understand road blocks that minorities face because of racial prejudice.

This post certainly isn’t going to make a whole lot of difference in race relations; I’m just typing words on a screen in hopes that it reaches numerous people and starts a conversation. There’s more we can do every day to help others see how much race functions on a day to day basis; whether that’s standing up to the white cashier who asked to see the black woman’s ID and not for the white woman who just checked out before her; standing up to dickheads who are harassing a woman in a hijab; or putting someone in their place when they call a black person the N-word. Educate yourself through videos, series, and movies on race on platforms like YouTube, Netflix, and Amazon; read the thousands of articles and books written on race and identity, especially on white privilege; and take a hard look at your beliefs surrounding race. It’s a discussion taking place daily that we should all be paying attention to. I wish I had been paying attention when I chose that Halloween costume.

I hope this post was informative in some way, and offers a glimpse into the complex discussion on race and ethnicity. Despite its complication, the best we can do is talk about it, learn, and take action.

Watch the YouTube video for this post here.